As the Christmas season quickly approaches I've started to worry about several things. My biggest concern is how to manage my exhaustion. With just a full time job I find myself wiped out. This weekend I wanted to clean the house, work out on the elliptical machine, start and maybe finish my Christmas shopping, try baking a new recipe. Instead I found myself completely spent and sleeping most of each day.
For an extrovert with endless goals and aspirations, this is very frustrating.
Looking at our social calendar I feel an overwhelming panic. There are work functions, private holiday drop ins, throw in a couple birthday parties, Christmas concerts and family obligations. Just thinking about them all makes me feel like tapping out. It's not that I don't want to attend - it's quite the opposite - but when you're tired and it shows, people get concerned. I hate making others worry about me. I never want to be one of those who withdraws from public because of an illness but I hate it when others fuss over me.
I'm also very worried about the weather. It's cold here in Canada. Last year I was just recovering from my transverse myelitis attack so with the combination of the numbing pain killers and a spine that hadn't quite recovered its sense of feeling, I was immune to the cold. I've heard that other NMO patients are greatly affected by the weather so naturally this year, I'm quietly concerned.
I have to remember to take it one day at a time. Every morning I take a deep breath in, swing my feet over the bed, exhale, then say, "Please help me accept the things I cannot change and the things I can do my best to put the right foot forward". Then I take my first step of the day.
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