Samana, Dominican Republic

Sorry for my radio silence.  I love vacation because it gives me a time to get away from the norm, I challenge myself in a new environment and I get a chance to reflect on life.  I hate returning from vacation because within a few hours I'm feeling overwhelmed with the amount of work to be caught up and thus my radio silence.  

My husband had to travel for work so I took the opportunity to also get away.  My sister, Deb, and I have been trying to take a sister trip for several years so we finally made it happen to the beautiful Dominican Republic.  I also thought it was fitting to share this vacation with her because she was the one with me this time last year when I was officially diagnosed with Devic's.  She's my go to #2 person after my husband for support and although we had our moments during this trip (we are sisters after all), I'm thankful that we went.  

Although I'm very proud of what I've accomplished within the last year, it was also a little bittersweet.  I think it has taken this entire time for me to finally admit that I'm more than just angry, I'm actually pissed off.  Some might say I'm being tough or a true fighter but I know myself well and this thought process is dangerous for me.  It's hard to stay positive all the time.  I get sad sometimes.  I get frustrated.  No, this wasn't fair.  I do the best I can everyday and I know that attitude has really made a difference but it still feels good to admit that yes, NMO sucks.  

So below, please enjoy my 1 year anniversary celebratory vlog.  

Nesting: What's all the hype about anyways?

I never have enough time to see all of my friends, all of my family, all of me.  All of them matter yet I somehow always feel like I'm missing chunks of their lives.  Thank goodness for Facebook that allows you to constantly creep but if you're like my dear college friend D, she's too busy to be updating on the internet so I still miss out.

D (and her husband T) have a beautiful home.  I'm so very proud of them.  It took me 2 years before I got around to seeing their home but I'm glad I finally did.  D was always the one alongside me in college who stayed up all night till our projects were just perfect.  She's never lost that drive and her home shows that.  They just showed us the couch she sawed to fit down the stairs into their rec room.  Most people just buy a new couch.

I came home to our disaster and I'm completely motivated to take on all the projects I mean to but never get around to.  Problem is, am I the type?  I've always felt "nesting" was a chore, a show off tool, somewhat of a necessary evil.  When I put my mind to it, I'm rather good at it.  I feel nesting is important if you're going to raise a family.  D and T are working hard towards that and I have no doubt they will be amazing parents together.  Speculation has always been that I'd be a mother one day too.  The thought amuses me, excites me but also scares me shitless - and it made sense just exactly why today.  I ALSO dream about travel and tales of other worlds not just paint colours, napkin rings and diapers.  I married someone who is exactly the same way.  I know a lot of idealists think you can do both (or even all of it) but with NMO I know realistically I can't.  Between a career, constantly renovating/updating/managing a household, travelling and then wanting to be a parent - all whilst living with a disease, seems like pure insanity.

Suddenly prioritizing my social calendar seems like an easier task.