Dear Alcohol, It's Not You...It's Me.

BNMO,or Before NeuroMyelitisOptica, I've been known to enjoy a drink or two or three. It was common knowledge that apple martinis are my kryptonite. I'm also a fan of a good glass of chardonnay or even a cran and vodka. At least in my experience, recruitment requires a certain level of networking ability - often attending a function and schmoozing with alcohol. Unfortunately, that trickled into my personal life and I spend my weekends with the movers and shakers and the martinis. What I'm saying is that in every social and professional setting, I'm now offered an alcoholic beverage.

And it was glorious.

I've always said that one of the biggest challenges with NMO is that it's hard to recognize how difficult every day is when you look great on the outside. Now that I'm slowly losing my steroid weight, everyone keeps telling me that they are glad to see I'm feeling better...except that I'm not so I just say thank you and move on. But now, looking better = feeling better to the outside world = push a drink on to me. So lately, I've given it a try but enjoying a good drink just isn't the same. With all the meds coursing through my veins, they just don't mix well with booze. It takes me days to recover and I'm up all night feeling ill. Yet, I'm also so very tired of explaining to people that booze doesn't work and that leads to explaining how I feel, which leads to sad faces and shock.

Last week I tried saying, "I quit drinking" every time I was offered something (and trust me, it was often especially during the holiday season). Then I had people question if I was pregnant.

Changing my bad habits or essentially, a lifestyle change, may be more difficult than I thought.